ANTIFOULING. THE DICTIONARY SAYS THERE’S ONE MEANING, BUT LET’S BE CREATIVE

Some days I wish I could douse the stuff on humans I come across, hypothetically, of course…just to make them a tad less foul

Janice Anne Wheeler May 31

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“ANTIFOULING?” I repeated, full wrinkle between the brows. Another Marine Industry term that made me go hmmm. “Bottom paint,” was the explanation with just the briefest indication of impatience for we raised-on-land folks. “BIOCIDE??” I croaked, “Dual-biocide?” The tree-hugger** side of me was appalled, jaw a tad slack. When it comes to eliminating pests; it’s only the truly dangerous or invasive that I tend to terminate (spiders!); the balance can simply go elsewhere, wander on and play their role.

According to Merriam-Webster: antifouling adjective an·​ti·​foul·​ing ˌan-tē-ˈfau̇-liŋ ˌan-tī- intended to prevent fouling of underwater structures (such as the bottoms of ships), first used in 1853. For you with inclination, find vast information on the history of antifouling tactics compiled by US Naval Institute. They claim knowledge of compositions and methods as early as 600BCE. Fouling has always been a problem.

ANTIFOULING Paint is used to mediate (not eliminate) the stunning quantity and assortment of marine creatures and plants that are in our seas and can attach themselves to the bottom of a boat at a rate nothing less than astonishing. (Do you remember looking at pond water under the microscope as a schoolkid and being amazed at what was moving?) Live entities whiz around on the tides, are tossed by the wind or simply wander. If these organisms come into contact with STEADFAST’s ample bottom they attach with tenacity that ranges from barely to barnacles. MUST READ about the strength of Barnacle Cement! Six to ten times the strength of anything man has ever made. Mother Nature proves herself once again.

Prior to ever having to scrape that intriguing assortment of life off the nearly two thousand square feet below waterline, in mask and fins, with a two-inch putty knife, I would have showed a distinct aversion to such a product. Now, it’s more of a me-against-the-sea perspective; a steadfast reminder that we are all SPARRING WITH MOTHER NATURE and will continue to do so; I want to live on and in the water regardless of the unseen entities joining me! Bottom paint is effective and imperfect; it does deter attachment and growth. Vessels without any sort of antifouling can become both ungainly and uncontrollable in a matter of months, according to the Navy article cited above.

After exploring the practical side of ANTIFOULING, my writer’s brain paddled up a far different creek and thought, well, the world seems to have a bit of foul in it, not just those freeloaders stuck to my bottom. Can antifouling become a thing? A term used for gentle retaliation when someone treats you badly? Instead of confrontation, breathe deeply and imagine treating said individual with a dose of anti-foul.

Is there anyone you have come across that might need a coat? What if we could expose someone nasty or unwanted to anti-foul? They could become the opposite of foul! How delightful! Caring. Helpful. Reliable. Truthful. Welcoming. Friendly.

Personally, I would anti-foul the young woman at the Dairy Queen who told my soft-serve craving sailor that she was “cleaning the ‘effing floor” and was much too busy to fulfill his order. He was the only customer; how appropriate (and satisfying!) would it have been to whip out a container of anti-foul and give her a little squirt?! Maybe our newly conceived antifoul-for-people should even be a standard color—that gorgeous dark greenish-blue— so the public can see which individuals needed a bit of redirection. Anti-fouling is hard to remove, as it should be. We could design a little holster for our Antifoul Applicator so it’s at our fingertips should the need arise. We could provide it to Police officers…presumably they come across even more foul folks than the rest of us. What a peaceful solution. Like fairy dust.

Perhaps your last I-don’t-actually-care-what-you-want-and-hope-you’re-not-expecting-it-soon server would have improved with a small portion of anti-foul? Or another customer service ‘team member’ who, when asked for something as complicated as paint stir sticks stomped away, found a few and proceeded to toss them angrily on the counter because I had the audacity to ask. She desperately needed a quick coat of anti-foul. I wish I had thought of this sooner! Sprinkle at will and the world is a more pleasant place.

How about litterbugs!? Ugh. That is a ridiculous, harmful habit. They definitely need a dash of anti-foul. And the convenience store rushers who cut in and cut over and cut lines, wouldn’t dream of holding the door. Just a little dash of anti-foul? I think so. Some of those traditional, basic, classic manners are a lost art.

STEADFAST requires three gallons of Antifouling per coat, two coats; the current retail is $409 per gallon or $135 per quart. I have never understood the math on how a quart could possibly cost that much and conclude that Manufacturers seem rather foul in their scheme that if you need a smaller quantity, (it’s not an outlying idea), you should be punished monetarily. Or perhaps they don’t realize there are four quarts in a gallon not three as their multiplication might suggest and that their product does not somehow garner a third more value simply when placed in a far more convenient and less wasteful container. A foul deal, indeed.

As I transfer these particular thoughts (no harm no foul) from brain to keyboard I’m feeling a weight of negativity, (…remember these weekly works often develop a life of their own). It strikes me that, right now, the most foul individuals in my world are those who simply DO NOT DO WHAT THEY SAY THEY ARE GOING TO DO. Tasks range from minimal to truly impactful. I see the size of the commitment as irrelevant. If people don’t follow through and hold up their end of the bargain, they become foul. A perfect time for our little holster.

Perhaps some things cannot be fixed with anti-foul, or can they? If we keep the bad stuff from sticking and the unwanted from traveling along with us…that could come in damn handy. Anti-foul rocks.

I do know that there are far more folks in my broad and irregular circle who DON’T need anti-foul than those who do. There’s no better news than that.

Until next week when we will ACTUALLY introduce you to our Bronze Age! ~J

Share SPARRING WITH MOTHER NATURE

** Tree-hugger to me is not political, I simply feel that our natural worlds need protection. I don’t vote along party lines, but for the representer that seems best.

You know what to do, please, so that next time I need a pair of Caterpillar workboots—(we all know there will be a next time because I own a wooden boat), then I will be able to simply ask my sponsor Caterpillar and we’ll discuss their generosity here on SPARRING and life will continue to be grand. Oh come on! A girl can dream! Anti-foul Applicators and NYSE sponsors. Might as well go big and BE NICE. Thanks for staying aboard!

FIRST, CHUCKLE A LITTLE. THEN, RE-STACK THIS POST & ROCK YOUR DAY!

Thanks. You rocked mine. A little sarcasm can be a great thing.

© 2026 Janice Anne Wheeler
Living aboard Sailing Yacht STEADFAST again soon!
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